Getting My Priorities Straight

Edward Vanderboom is an asshole. My number one priority is that everyone know this to be true. The guy really is an absolute dick.

After lunch I'm back working in the chute room he comes in and goes, "So, what have you been thinking about?"

And I'm bundling another bag down the chute, and I'm thinking, "I'm thinking you're an asshole."

But I told him, "I don't know," and he says, "Keep thinking, then."

Okay, dude. I think you're a ridiculous little fool who smells like sandwiches, and not in a good way. You're a yeasty smelling cretin who doesn't deserve the time of day. You wear these dumb little shoes on your dumb little feet that you think make you look cool but just make you all the more ridiculous for wearing them. You wear a tie in an office where nobody has to wear a tie. You're a clown. And not a fun clown, either. You're a clown who makes everybody unhappy and wish that you lived under a bridge where you'd cry all the time about how nobody loves you, because nobody does and nobody ever will.

I don't know how much longer I can take this job. I wish Bazbo would get back--she'd help me get my priorities straight. The Cigar Smoking Ape brings us closer to an understanding that positive action is required of us. But when faced with such a negative like Ed Vanderboom, wouldn't smacking him upside the head with a big piece of wood be a positive action?

You bet it would.