Saturday, September 23, 2006

In the Chute Room

Okay, so my job is at this big building downtown where they do all kinds of stuff, but my job is just in the chute room, which is this kind of grimy oversized closet with these three chutes up at the top of one wall, and then these three other chutes on the opposite wall by the floor.

I stand there and these big canvas mail sacks come down the top chutes. They're full of all kinds of stuff and padlocked shut. They've got these serial numbers stencilled across them. If the the serial number ends with a 2, 4 or 8 then I put the bag in the left-hand bottom chute and down it goes. If it ends with a 1, 3, 5, 6, 7 or 9 then I put the bag in the right-hand bottom chute and down it goes. If it ends with a 0, then it's the middle bottom chute. And guess what happens then? Yep, down it goes. It's pretty mindless work, but it's my paycheck so there you have it.

Usually it's really, really boring, except sometimes when a bag comes down one of the top chutes it splits open when it hits the floor. Like, once every couple of weeks or so. Then I hit this big button thing on the wall and a bell begins to ring and I'm supposed to face the wall and close my eyes. When the bell rings my idiotic boss Ed Vanderboom comes in with a cart and a couple other guys, they scoop up the mess and skedaddle on out of there. When the bell quits ringing, I open my eyes and go back to sorting.

Usually there's never anything really to see when a bag splits open, so this whole blind man's bluff thing is retarded. It's generally just a bunch of paper, or a bunch of little cardboard boxes with Christmas ornaments or something. Sometimes there's photos, and once it was a bunch of naked photos but all of ugly people. Mostly it's just a bunch of crap like you'd see at a really bad garage sale where you don't see anything you want.

I'm thinking about telling Vanderboom to screw off on Monday. Bazbo's supposed to get back to town tomorrow, so I'm gonna see what she thinks. I'm hoping maybe she can help get me a job with The Cigar Smoking Ape. I know I'm not nearly Ape enough yet, but I'm hoping maybe she can help put in a good word for me, or whatever.

Three cheers for The Cigar Smoking Ape!


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